Insert witty headline here.

You know that Star Trek TNG episode where they are stuck in the time loop and re-live the same day over and over again? Then, when they start to realize what's happening they can sense all the things they've never done before? That's where I am right now. It's all very familiar, yet different.

I went in for a morning blood test today (familiar) of 12 tubes (not familiar). The last time I had to give that much blood was during my original fertility testing. Half way through I started to get light-headed and the nurse actually used smelling salts on me. (I didn't know that stuff was even real.) So, this time I warned her and we went to a procedure room to lay down. No problem! (and I got some grape juice...sweet!)

So, I talked to the other nurse during my ultrasound (familiar) and found out the scoop on all the blood. Apparently they take nutrients from it and use it during the coculture to "feed the embryos" along with my endometrial lining (not familiar). Sounds gross but I'm very psyched about it! Not only have I read a lot on the internet about this procedure being very good for poor quality embryos and women my age, but one of them was written by my doctor. And, there's only a few states where they do co-culturing...I'm not sure why.

So I'm doing all the same types of things I did before, just for different reasons. I have the IVF process so down pat that it's strange to have to remind myself what to do next this time around.

Oh, off topic..... so then, after the u/s, the nurse almost made me cry. I was telling her that this was my last shot at IVF and she said that maybe it will be my last shot because I'll never, ever have to do it again because I'll be pregnant. Then she said something about having twins and that I deserved a 2 for 1 at this point. Chica, don't you know not to go there? We try not to let our minds go down that road too much, it's too hard to get back on the path of reality if we do.

I'm kind of amazed though and how close it all is to the surface, that one little comment like that can make me tear up. Unless I'm in the middle of a major hormonal drop, most of the time I seem to be going on day to day just living my life, working on my photography business, planning vacations, spending time with friends.....but then I eat a bag of chips and dip for no reason or I drink an entire bottle of wine with not much help from my husband. It's right there just below the surface...all the time. All the time. (very familiar)