Big Day!

It was a little hard to sleep last night knowing my first ultrasound is today. I get nervous at each new step....will this be the end of the road for us....or will we keep moving forward? I know we probably won't see a heartbeat today and even if we do, we need to get past 7 1/2 weeks for it to be real to me, ya know? It's all just so scary and so exciting. I can't ignore it and I so want to be excited, but then I have flashbacks to the day we found out we lost our first pregnancy. That flash of intense sadness is like a slap in the face that keeps me from getting carried away. It was probably the 2nd saddest thing that ever happened to me in my life.

But....like D said, everything was different about this IVF cycle. And...the whole idea of IVF is to help find the strongest embryos and put those back in. If I was to try getting pregnant naturally at my age, it's possible I would have become pregnant again, but the chances would have been much higher that there would be an abnormality. These embryos were monitored every step of the way and they were the strongest of the bunch......and they made it to blastocyst, so that gives me hope that this pregnancy will be different.....stronger.....better.....(sorry, I went into Six Million Dollar Man mode there).

I can see the future right now and it's so exciting. I hope it's not taken away again....because I'm really looking forward to it.

2:23pm. Wow, that was pretty surreal. I was pretty nervous going in. Dr. S, who we haven't seen since our IVF consultation, came in and started cracking jokes. He was like a whirlwind. He talked amazingly fast but at least he 1) acknowledged that he knew we had a miscarriage and 2) answered my ?s without me asking them. He said that no matter what anyone says we will be nervous for a long time b/c of the previous miscarriage. But......for now, we have one good looking yolk sak and tiny dot of baby (trust me, it's there). Still, excited and scared.....I have a feeling that will be around for a while.