The good, the bad and the infertile

Come on! It's a good title!

I've been steering clear of our support group for a while. It's once a month and the first one fell just a few days after I found out my last IVF failed. I guess some people would say it would be good to go when you need it most, but I just wanted to deal with it myself and not be a blubbering mess in front of all of those people. Our next support group happened when we were on vacation, so last night was the most recent one.

On the positive side, it's really good to go and talk to people who are going through this. Everyone there realizes exactly what we are all up against. Some of their families are understanding, some families break their confidences, some don't feel like they can even share this with them. I'm lucky enough to have some very supportive friends and family, despite the occasional really ridiculous comment. It's a little easier to take when that happens knowing it's happened to every single person in my support group. In the end, it's the support that matters. The group helps me realize that I don't think I'd be able to get through this without my family and friends.

On the negative side, it's a room filled with people in a lot of pain. They don't know how their journey is going to end and neither do we. There's a finite amount of cash and just so long you can keep your life on hold. We all feel the pressure. Some couples can't even afford to do one round of IVF and some have had multiple losses. Sometimes I can't believe how much these people have been through...and sometimes I'm like...wait, I've been through all of that too....wow. I left last night feeling a bit upset. I feel for all of them and what they are going through....and I feel for our situation too. I wish I could make it better for all of us. I don't know how they get through it....I don't know how we get through it.

I see our life a year or so down the road....and all I can see if D and I with a baby (or two)....there's a lot of dark hair and very squinty eyes when he/she smiles. I've tried to think of what our life would be without us as a family, but I still can't. So I keep going...and going....and so do they.