Symptom Craziness!

You try not to think about it and just go on with your day then bam, you suddenly realize that your boobs hurt or you just felt a twinge down there. Oh sure, it could be the hcg still in my system, my ovaries returning to their normal size or the progesterone I'm taking. It's still maddening nonetheless.

Today, my symptom that may not be a symptom is that I'm totally exhausted. I feel a little achy and completely wiped out. I was considering where I can find a place to sleep on my lunch hour (answer, nowhere). Of course, this could be attributed to the long day I had yesterday traveling to DC with work, but that would be a sane and logical reason. That's not how we roll in the 2WW people. (That's TWO WEEK WAIT for you newbies!) I was able to breeze by the first few days pretty easily, but now, I've got a calendar with a red pen and I'm counting the days....even though I know how many days. (See aforementioned, not logicalness)

On another topic, there's no better timing like spending an entire day on a train than to have crazy and gross side effects from the meds I am on. It's way into the TMI realm so I will not go into details, needless to say it was not cool....not cool at all. Of course I had to tell D all about it when he picked me up at the train station. I believe he said "that's gross bay-buh". If only he was on Heroes and his ability was to turn back time...or selectively erase his memory. Too bad for him! If I've gotta know, he's gotta know!

Not to bury the lead, but on my way back on the train I saw I had a voicemail. It was one of the embryologists calling to tell me the status on the 3-4 celled embryos that weren't frozen on Monday b/c they were too small. She called to say that 2 actually made it to blastocysts and were frozen today. She was looking at my chart and referencing how I had 3 transferred, 8 frozen, and now 2 blasts and what a great response that is. It gives me hope, makes me excited, and winds up the crazy another notch! This waiting may be worse than the hormones!

Windfall!!!!

Money is one of those added stressors to an already stressful IVF process. At about $10,000 per IVF cycle, not including medications which can cost almost as much, it can cause a lot of worry. Many people take out home equity lines and spend everything they have for the hope of having a child.

Some insurance companies don't cover any infertility treatment at all....others cover up to 3 entire rounds of IVF. There are only a few states that mandate infertility coverage, PA is not one of them. My insurance is in the middle. I have a $10,000 lifetime limit on fertility treatments and my medications are covered pretty well. So, I've been keeping a close eye on how close I was to the limit. My calculation as of today was about $8200 and this did not include the egg retrieval, embryologist fees or egg transfer. I called my health ins. company and asked them what they've got on record so far. They said $3700. WHAT? The person on the phone told me on the sly that if the REs office didn't submit it as "fertility treatment" then it wasn't counted as that. So I guess all the labwork and bloodwork just seemed like regular labs to them. whooo hooo!!!!

Hopefully, this means that our 1st IVF will be almost 100% covered. And, if all goes well, we won't have to do more. I'd much rather put that money into a college fund, home renovations and $$$ to save for when I am out of work!!!!

It's a good day!!!!

Now we wait

This may be the hardest part of all. All the needles and procedures are finished and now D and I will just stare at each other for a few weeks and wait.

Some thought it would never happen, but last night I finally had enough with laying on the couch. There's only so much tv you can watch, only so much Scramble you can play on Facebook. I was officially bored, bored, bored! I guess it was easier before b/c I was recovering from the first procedure. The transfer yesterday didn't have any lingering pain but they just needed me to be on bedrest for obvious egg sticking reasons.

Today I'm out again from work. The nurse said it was a good idea, especially since my job tends to be stressful. It's likely that the embryos will implant today...if they are going to. Try not to think about that!!! SURE, NO PROBLEM!

My plan is to keep busy for the next 2 weeks....and not talk about it as much as possible. Of course, as we were going to sleep last night D says "Arrrgh, I can't stop thinking about it!" I know, I know!

An exciting day!

Well, we received the call around 7:30 this morning that we would be doing a 3 day transfer today. They gave us no information about the embryos, but we could at least assume that 5 of them had not made it to 8 cells. To be honest, I was hoping for a 3 day transfer anyway. This gives us the possibility to freeze...and all my work arrangements were already set.

So, I went to my acupunture appt at 9:15...but they were running late. I'm stressing. Luckily everyone was flexible and it all worked out. I had needles in crazy places today....both ears, top of my head, my feet (those itched) and my legs.

Then, we headed right over to the lab and they set us up right away. We are part of the harp study so the harp was set up and ready to go. I had to fill out a survey about my "state of calmness" etc., then they took my blood pressure. The harpist came in an began to play, hubby rubbed my temples....then the dr came in and told us he recommended a 3 embryo transfer. We had an 8cell, a 7 cell and a 6 cell put back in. We both agreed we were much more comfortable with 3 going back then 4 so I was glad that the dr thought so too. The transfer was a little uncomfortable but ok. In other good news, 8 of the other embryos made it to 5 cell stage, so those are going to be frozen! yay!

Then, after another survey, blood pressure and a few more minutes of the harp, I was back at the acupunturist. This time I was pretty tired. I guess from the stressful part finally being over. I had needles in my ears and hands and legs, so falling asleep was a bit difficult, My arm kept dropping off my belly and I was afraid I was going to jam a needle in.

All in all, it was a pretty good experience.......but I'm still hoping I don't have to go through all this again! Couldn't I have met my husband a few years earlier? It would have been so much easier!

Decisions! Decisions!

We just had our daily update from the embryologist. Today we still have 14 embryos. There are 2-4 cell, 3-3 cell, and 9-2 celled. She said at this stage they should all be between 2 and 4 cells, so we are on track. I asked her about the likelihood of going to a 5 day transfer and she said it could go either way at this point. I also asked about the potential for freezing. She said if we were interested in freezing some, it would be best to do this at the 3 day stage, so in that case she would recommend the 3 day transfer. It's not likely that there would be enough to freeze at the 5 day stage. They would transfer every one of them that made it. Growing in a culture is not as good for the embryos as growing in their natural environment...so many don't survive that long.

So, we are waiting to hear the report tomorrow and then have to decide how many to transfer and when. I think I'm leaning toward the 3 day transfer...although the though of putting back 4 is a little scary. We're still in wait and see mode...but that's ok.

As for my recovery, I felt ok yesterday morning. I took a shower and we went out to bfast. But later, I had some major stomach problems. Side effects from the pain meds I think. So, I was couch bound for the afternoon. Luckily, after sleeping 9 1/2 hours last night, I'm feeling great today. I'm not as sore and feeling more myself.
YAY!

FOURTEEN!

Whoo hoo! Fourteen is my lucky number of the day! We just heard from the embryologist. 14 eggs have fertilized!!!! Apparently everything typical to a 40 year old is not applying to me so far. I had a good response to the hormones, I had a large number of eggs retrieved and fertilized for my age, and now, they are considering whether to go to a 5 day blastocyst transfer instead of the 3 day standard transfer. Whooo hoo! (oops said that already)

The recommendation by the AMA for someone my age is to transfer up to 4 embryos. Of course, this ups the risk of multiples if they all take. However, if at least 5 of the embryos can make it 8 cell embryos by Monday, they'll let me do a 5 day blastocyst transfer. This means, they are more likely to survive, therefore they can put less in.

So, since nothing so far is typical of a 40 year olds IVF, maybe it's not to greedy to think that we may get to freeze some too?

It'll be difficult leaving my schedule in limbo with my acupunturist and with work, but I'm not caring much about that right now. It'll all work out.

The democrat inside of me is very upset that I keep chanting "Grow Baby Grow" in my head!

Egg Retrieval Day!

The egg retrieval procedure was at 8am. I went in a bit nervous and not knowing what to expect. I was worried about the IV too since in the past I've gotten very nauseous from them. The nurse, Paula, was truly amazing. She walked me through the whole process step by step. I put lidocaine cream on the potential IV spots 1 hour before arriving so I didn't feel a thing. There were lots of people in the room during the retrieval, but luckily I was put out pretty quickly so I didn't have time to be too embarrassed. I'm realizing I'll need to get over any shyness with this whole IVF process. There's poking a prodding and it's all out there ...and there's no way around it.

The good news is that they retrieved 18 eggs. Tomorrow they will call and let us know how many fertilized. 18 eggs makes it all worthwhile!

My friend posted this after I told her how many eggs were retrieved:

"In Hebrew, 18 symbolizes "life" (Hebrew word "chai"). Many
people give money in multiples of $18 as presents to someone celebrating a
birth, a wedding, etc. It's a very important symbolic #. I hope "18"
presents a new life for you!!!"

It's so sweet, I wanted to be sure I posted it here so I didn't forget it!

I'm a bit crampy now, but hubby is taking good care of me. He went to the store and bought me my favorite ice cream...Ben & Jerry's Cinnamon Bun. yummmmm I have a heating pad on my stomach too. So far, I've just been taking Tylenol and feel pretty good. I'm on the couch and taking it easy, but not in extreme pain.

I'm off to veg some more!

One more shot to go!

It was an eventful appt this morning. Yesterday's slacker follicles decided to get up to speed today finally! Our largest follicle was at 20.5mm. Quite a few others, I'd say 5 or so were between 15.5 and 17....and there were some more at 15. There were still some slackers trailing behind at 13mm's. I berated them when they were on the screen. WTF? We're all workin' here people, grow already!

So, I take my trigger shot tonight at 8pm. To D's dismay, he does not need to give me the shot in my butt....I can do it just like all the others. He's so sad. The HCG trigger shot is going to tell my ovaries to ovulate. My egg retrieval is schedules for 36 hours exactly from the time of the trigger shot.....the dr will be there waiting to "aspirate" all the eggs from the follicles. If you're thinking, how do they do that? You don't want to know. There's a giant needle and a vagina involved. See? I told ya. Luckily, there is also anesthesia. (hey, I spelled it right today!)

My belly is ridiculously huge today. I had to wear dressier pants since we had a visitor to our office. My ovaries are angry about it!

A part of me appreciates how D is very easy going. He is able to help me to have fun in tough times like these. We have laughed a lot over the past few weeks. But....the other part of me wishes he worried about the situation too...or knew that I couldn't sleep b/c I'm anxious and scared about the procedures. Since I'm an A-1 Type A gal, I realize this whole IVF process is right up my scheduling and planning alley....but not his at all. Although I may be good at handling that type of stuff, I'm still just a scared lil' bunny on the inside sometimes ya know? OK, maybe like a rabid ferret more than a bunny, but you get the point.


UPDATE: 8:15PM. IT IS DONE! The last shot has been shotted! (yes, I know it's not english but I don't care) I am so, so glad for this to be my last shot. At first it was easy to give the shots, but then the last few days it has become more and more difficult for me to stab myself. Maybe because I was running out of room between puncture marks and bruises. I watched a few videos on youtube of people giving themselves this shot. It looks like on a few of them that they left the super long mixing needle (1 1/2") on and then stabbed themselves. So crazy! Thank goodness this was only a small needle like the others. I'm so done with it though.

One More Day!

Looks like I'm heading on to Day 11 of stims. While I did have one follicle that was 18mm at the u/s this morning, most of them (and there were A LOT of them!) were between 13 and 15mm. One more day will get the majority of them exactly where they should be (between 16-18mm). This bumps my egg retrieval to Friday which will give me the weekend to recover. What's one more day anyway?

I did not sleep well last night. My mind was racing about the egg retrieval. What if they don't give me enough pain meds? What if I wake up during the procedure? How am I supposed to not stress about these things without wine? seriously? Am I to believe that I am supposed to use relaxation and actual coping skills? Does this witchery even work? As my friend at work's son would say: "I am not impressed!"
I heart you chardonnay!

And one other thing, why do they make you take baby aspirin every day when it makes you bruise like crazy? I have a giant bruise on my belly from the acupuncture, plus some other ones from puncture wounds. Yesterday I bumped into a hook in my closet and now my arm has a huge lump on it. Don't they know I'm already broken? I need no help with this!

Wiped Out!

Wiped out and feelin' sore is more like it! I had off today for MLK day so I should be relaxed and feel great eh? Unfortunately I didn't sleep very well b/c I couldn't get comfortable. My ovaries (and boobs) are incredibly sore. I'm in desperate need of a nap. Now that the FIOS guys are finished their 6 hour install, maybe I can finally take one.

The good news is...that my follicles are still growing well. The left side seems to be taking the lead today. The largest follicle on that side was 15.5mm...the largest on the right was about 13mm. They've upped my low dose hcg to 20 units and for tonight I'm taking one shot of Gonal-F (took none in the AM) of 375 units. Now, exactly how do I tell how much I have left in my Gonal-F pen when they keep changing my dosage? I knoweth not.

I had my last acupunture appt this morning as well before the egg transfer. Well, at least that's a little less poking of Linda! Off to nap! night night

Best (and weirdest) Compliment That Made My Day!

We went to our early morning checkup this morning. During the u/s, the nurse said how they would check my bloodwork and get back to me about my meds....b/c they are concerned with OHSS (Ovarian HyperStimulation Syndrome). I said I heard that wasn't common in someone my age. She said "Are you 40? I hadn't looked at your chart...I had no idea. You don't look it and neither do your ovaries!" While it was really nice to hear that I didn't look 40, strangely, it was even nicer to hear that my ovaries are not reacting like their 40. Whooo hooo!

I had lots of follicles today. She didn't even bother to count them....but she measured the largest ones between 13mm and 10+ mm. The ones on the left are lagging behind a bit (around 10mm) but hopefully they will catch up soon. I had such a sense of excitement after this appt. Before I started, I was really worried that my cycle could get cancelled or that I'd have a bad response. I guess I feel a sense of relief now that at least we have a good shot (no pun intended) at this working. It would be even greater if we had so many good follicles that we could freeze some, but now I'm just getting greedy I know!

When my bloodwork came back, the nurse called and told me to skip my AM Gonal-F and to take 300 units tonight instead. I guess I'm coasting for the day. The doctor told me during our IVF consult that chances were slim that anyone my age could have OHSS so I think it's wild that they are so concerned about that in me and are adjusting all my meds. I just hope it doesn't effect the growth.

So far, it looks like we are still on track for ER on Thursday. I must go change out of these jeans and into yoga pants now. My ovaries are demanding it!

Welcome to my belly!

Tonight's the night I started daily shot #4, Ganirelix. This is the shot that's going to hold me off from ovulating while my follicles all grow to the right size. I have 3 of these total, so I guess I'm getting close to the big day of egg retrieval. yikes!

There are other changes to my meds as well. After my last appt on Friday, the nurse called to tell me that my bloodwork results came in high, so I need to dial back my PM dose of Gonal-F to 150 units instead of 300.

I have a follow up appt tomorrow at 8am. (blech..no sleeping in on Sunday) I'm supposed to go without taking my gonal-f shot. I guess they look and see where I'm at before adjusting my dose.

As for my ovaries, I'm definitely feeling sore today. I decided to give my dog a haircut and even though she is small, I felt like I may have taken on too much just having to hold her while trimming her legs. I think it's time to be careful not to exert myself over the next few days.

Checkup #2

Well, today I'm on Day 6 of stimming. At my checkup this morning, I found out that my lil' follicles like to piggyback on one another. It seems there were a few hiding. It took a pretty uncomfortable u/s to prod me in the right direction to find them. The good news is, there are more than 10. On the left side, at least 4 are greater than 7.5mm. There are about 8 total on the left. On the right side, the largest is 11mm and there's a 10mm, 9.5mm, and 9mm too. About 6 that we could see on that side total. Every different angle showed some more though so I'm feeling good about that. We still have a ways to go in size, but we're getting there. My pants are starting to feel a bit snug.....looks like I'll be wearing yoga pants all weekend!

It was a morning of lots of drs appt. After my IVF appt, I went to my anestesia (I know I am spelling that wrong, it looks very weird, but I digress) consult...this took about 5 minutes. I met my mom for breakfast nearby then headed out near my work for an allergist appt. My allergist is the sweetest doctor in the entire world. She is so nice and so genuine, I feel like I need to figure out how to become her friend. When I was pregnant last year, she was so happy for me and said how her friends younger than me were having troubles. Today, when I told her about the m/c and that I was doing IVF she immediately told me all she had been through and that she had been trying herself for the past 2 years. She had done IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF and is finally 3 months pregnant. YAY! She hugged me and wished me luck with my IVF too! It really gives me hope to hear about people who went through so much and are finally successful. I am so happy for her!

Pressure!!!!!

For the most part, I've cleared my calendar for the next 2 weeks. I didn't know what kind of side effects I might have, when I might need to take the shots or how tired I'd be, so I didn't want to make too many commitments.

But even though I've let my boss know that I have a medical situation, I feel like there's all this pressure. He isn't keeping track of when I'm telling him I will be out, then asks if I told him (document, document, document). He keeps asking me when I'll be out for my procedures (even though I told him I didn't know for sure yet). I have to go to DC right after everything for some ethics course and now his boss is coming to our office next week on the day before my scheduled egg retrieval. So, not only do I feel like I have a clamp on my head from the hormones, I feel like I have this tightening clamp on my mellow attitude and my wide open schedule. No one should harsh the mellow of a chick on hormones.

I'd really prefer not to go into specifics with him....and I REALLY don't want to have to provide a drs note from my RE's office, ya know? That will give away way too much information. So, I called HR to make sure my bases were covered. They said that my health was the most important thing and that it wasn't any of their business (or his) why I am out. The HR person also said that if I felt pressured or was being given a hard time about being out that I should call my HR person when she is back in the office.

For now, I will keep sending my email updates to him and see what happens.

sigh.

Checkup #1

Oh it was so so early this morning when I woke up. I actually told my alarm clock "I'm trying ok?" when the buzzer went off. It was still unyielding in its attempts to awaken me.

I had my blood taken and went in for an ultrasound. Here's a brief review.... When I first started in December, I had 15 antral follicles. Then I went on BCP's for about a month. Before I started stims, I had 11 follicles. Today, we could see 10 growing for sure...and possibly one lil tiny one. Of course, I was hoping to go in and see 20, but that was a long shot for sure. The good news is that the 10 left are growing right on schedule. I'm really hoping no more drop out though.

I also asked about the fact that I haven't gotten my period since stopping the bcps. Apparently, this is not going to happen. The nurse said "take whatever you know about a natural cycle and throw it out the window!" allrighty then!

I have another appt on Friday and then one on Saturday too. arrrrgh....so tired.

Another recent side effect is being caused by the baby aspirin I'm taking once a day. I've been bleeding a little when I do my shots now and also with the acupunture. I found a bruise on my lower abdomen last night. I think it's from the acupunture since I didn't do shots there. I'm surprised a baby aspirin has so much effect. hinky!

My heeeeeed!

I woke up this morning with a nasty headache. It has decided to stick around all day. Drugs do not work. This must mean AF is on the way...it happens every time now. uggggh I had an acupunture appt this morning. I told the doctor about my headache and he made me all Hellraiser-like with needles in my head, temples and ears. It hasn't stopped the unrelenting head throbbing though.

I ran into one of the girls in my support group at the drs office. She's going through a cycle of IVF right now too. She told me to make sure I drink a lot of water. It's so great to have this group during all of this.

Other than that, the shots have been going well. I'm not feeling majorly bloated or anything yet. I have my first u/s tomorrow to see how the eggs to be are doing. It's really hard not to be obvious about what I'm doing since I have to come in late to work several times a week. In the end though, it doesn't really matter what people I work with think. They will have to deal. This is more important.

I'm hoping that I feel well enough so hubby and I can do some yoga tonight. With my brother's wedding this weekend, I've been slacking on the exercise. I'm not going to be able to do anything too intense in the next few weeks either.

I done did it!

Yay! I just gave myself my first injections! It's so funny that the thing I was most worried about... being able to jab myself with the needle.... and then I seriously didn't even feel it. I started with the low-dose hcg 10 units then did 300 units of the Gonal-F. It was a piece of cake. I feel it more now b/c the meds are itching a bit. I realized when I was finished that I shot myself a little too high. I did the shots more at my waistline than at my belly button. I'll have to watch that better tomorrow. Otherwise, it wasn't that bad at all. whew!

Hubby owes me bfast now...big time....so we are off!

Inundated!

I'm on information overload this morning! I'm seriously convinced that a good portion of IVF cycles fail because of taking the wrong shot at the wrong time or the wrong dose. There is so much information and so many appointments, it's really easy to get mixed up. Of course, for all who know me, you know I already have a calendar marking which day I'm taking what and have all my drs appts color coded etc. Still, it's a bit much.

So my drs appt today consisted of three parts. First was the blood test. This will check my hormone levels. I guess I'll call later today for the results. Next was a "uterine sounding". This was to measure the size and shape of my uterus. When the embryos are put back in after they are fertilized, it's critical that the procedure is as gentle as possible. So, basically they prod the back of your uterus and measure how far back it is so that they don't go too far. The doctor described this as "like a pap smear with a little zinger". I told him if the zinger was a shot of vodka then fine, otherwise........ OTHERWISE, I'll tell you it's not very comfortable. It was quick at least, but I've been cramping on and off every since the appt. No cool man, not cool.

The last part of the appt was the ultrasound (u/s). He took a quick count and could see at least 11 antral follicles. They were bigger than last time. I was hoping for more. I'm not sure if this means this is the most I can possibly get. I guess we'll have to wait and see. He didn't seemed to be concerned about it so I guess it's an ok response.

I got to test using an actual syringe during the appt. It was good because the Gonal-F pen takes a lot of pressure to inject. Good to know. I'm going to have to work on my "dart" technique. I have a feeling I'll be using the "chicken shit" technique in the beginning. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

IVF Translations

For my friends who are going through this with me.....

AMA = Advanced Maternal Age
M/C = Miscarriage
BCPs = Birth Control Pills
TTC = Trying to Conceive
BFN = Big Fat Negative (bad)
BFP = Big Fat Positive (good!!!!)


IVF = well you have to figure that one out on your own :)

let me know if I missed any!

Antsy!

I'm so anxious for this day to be over. I've never been so excited about a drs appt in my life. Tomorrow I have bloodwork and u/s. It will signal the definite beginning of my IVF cycle. I'm anxious to see how many antral follicles I have. (Those are the follicles that haven't started to develop yet). As of last month, I had 15 total. This is really good for someone my age. It's a good indication that I do not have "limited ovarian reserve". So I still have a few eggs left, hopefully they are good ones! I'm also hoping they are all still there. The nurse said there was a chance that a few could drop off b/c of the month on BCPs. I hope not! I need all I can get!

I think tonight I will do some yoga with my hubby. We've been doing this fertility yoga dvd and it's been pretty great. I don't think I'm up for the gym, but yoga sounds good.

Everybody Limbo!

OK just me....I'm in limbo, but luckily it's only for a few more days. I keep having dreams about giving myself shots. What if I squeeze too hard and the needle goes in one way and comes out the other? What if I jab myself and it hurts so bad I run screaming around the room? I've had needles before, I did allergy shots for years. I seriously need to chill.

Our RE's office sponsors a support group a couple times a month. We went to it last night. Sometimes I am hesitant to go. There are couples who have been through a whole lotta shit! You can see how much they want to be parents and how much pain they are in. I try not to think too much about the what ifs...."what if this doesn't work", "what if this doesn't ever happen for us"....and that's hard to do when it's staring you in the face and you're seeing it in someone else.

But, we always do go to the support group and each time, I'm so glad that I did. The last time, we heard about this couple who were young and both had such a challenging situation. What really struck me about them was that they made us all laugh. They had such a great perspective on the whole thing. I decided that I didn't want to be depressed and pessimistic, I wanted to go through (or try to go through) this journey with that kind of attitude.

I also learned about egg retrieval and transfer procedures. Apparently you are in a procedure room with a window and the embryologists are passing your "stuff" back and forth and there are lots of people around. It's good to have that knowledge before you go in. There's nothing more stressful than having your legs in the stirrups and suddenly hear a window open and lots of discussion about your hoo-hah!

Last night I was speaking to someone in the group who just finished one IVF (BFN) in November and would be starting her next round at the same time as me. I told her I would be taking Gonal-F. This medication comes in a pen dispenser that can give multiple doses. You dial up the dose you need each time and then pull back the plunger. Each pen costs about $1100....and only has about 3 doses on it. The other woman in the group told me to be sure not to overdial beyond my dosage, b/c you can't dial it back. You basically have to shoot out the extra medication and waste it. That's definitely a good tip.

So, I wait and I learn and try not to freak out! I hope this week goes quickly!

More Needles!

Yes, I received even more needles and drugs in the mail today. It was my last lone prescription of low dose hcg. Apparently, this medication only lasts for 30 days and then is ineffective. So, they didn't want to send it too early. It is always unsettling to open up a fedex and see a giant package of syringes. (breathe breathe) I think the whole shot thing would be ok if I didn't have to look. That's usually how I get through them in the drs office. It could prove to be a bad move though when giving myself the shots.

Hubby and I had an early morning drs appt today too. It was for a genetic consult. We had one before during the pregnancy, but our IVF nurse insisted that there was more information I needed to know specifically regarding IVF. Yeah....um.....no. It was completely the same....if not less information....useless. Oh well. Take my money, what do I care?

My co-worker who knows all about my IVF plans (probably more than she ever wanted to know) tried to rile me up and get me all upset that about the useless appt. (Oh sure, everyone loves pissing me off don't they? It's all fun and games until I poke someone's eye out! :P) She was very disappointed that I didn't take the bait. When you're spending $10,000, $125 bucks isn't worth the trouble of getting wound up. Sorry chica!

I'm a big ball o' jello!

Today I went for an amazing massage with a friend of mine. She was so nice and treated me to help me destress before my upcoming treatments. It was so relaxing! Of course, my neck and shoulders were a big bundle of stress balls. Too much computer time I guess. We both walked out of the rooms in our robes with what looked like sex hair. We did not care one bit! They had an aromatherapy room where we sat and had a cup of green tea.

Then we met our boys for lunch! It was a nice day!

The Last Hurrah!

Is it wrong to go to the acupuncturist with a hangover? :P

Last night we went out with some friends. I guess it was the last hurrah before the stimming starts. No more drinking for me for a while, if I'm lucky...a long while! I didn't tell my acupuncturist about the wild night.....but I did get in a nice nap (with needles of course).

Farewell Chardonnay!

Waiting Waiting Waiting

I now understand Tom Petty when he says it's the hardest part! Due to our health coverage and the holiday schedule at our RE's office, we had to delay IVF for a little over a month. Then, I had to delay one week more because my brother bumped his wedding by a week. I told him I would photograph it and I didn't want to take the risk of being crazy and/or bloated on the big day. I have visions of the blueberry girl in Willa Wonka (the original of course) and it's not pretty. No one wants to be rolled around a wedding!

The holidays have helped me not obsess too much about the waiting. My husband and I have been doing yoga, working out and I've been going to an acupunturist once a week. My friend was so sweet and scheduled us both for massages tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that muchly!

In a world where we can have dinner ready in less than 5 minutes or get an instantaneous answer to a question via the internet, this whole pregnancy process is painstakingly looooooong! Don't even get me thinking about the two week wait!!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

To blog or not to blog?

It's a tough question. When going through fertility treatments, do you tell your friends? Do you tell your family? How much do you tell? These are such personal decisions.

Our decision was based partially on our false start. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant in March of 2008. We waited a few months after I went off the pill....then found out I was pregnant on the very first try. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We were a bit shocked that I got pregnant so quickly especially at my age...then we were even more shocked and devastated when we lost it.

Only a few people knew about our pregnancy and having a miscarriage isn't just something you bring up in ordinary conversation. After a few months though, we had dealt with the loss and were trying again. My close friends asked how it was all going and it all just came out.

So, my friends have been saying I should write a blog about this whole experience. It was something I debated. I'm not usually very good at keeping things inside...but this is also a very, very personal and difficult thing to deal with. I decided to go for it for two reasons. I've read several other IVF blogs and found them very comforting.....so maybe this will be the same for someone else. I'm hoping this will all turn out to have a happy ending. I'd like to be able to look back and see how my husband and I learned to deal with this challenge together.

That's the plan.......but then, that's where the fertility drugs come in! It could get ugly! Hope you'll join me for the ride!