Today is another day.

We took a few months after the last failed IVF. All I wanted was to feel like myself again....and, it took a while. I started to lose some weight. I started to have regular cycles again. My life didn't have to revolve around the IVF schedule. I even forgot the number to our IVF office and had to look it up. We renovated our back family room and turned it into a master bedroom over the summer.
Now, we have an extra room for a baby if one decides to come along. I started to concentrate on my photography business, which has really taken off. I've discovered that I really love maternity and newborn photography. It's not sad or weird to me at all. It's actually totally ok and really fun.

We also had some major discussions with our IVF practice. They wanted to help us out, but we didn't know how much they wanted to help us. Since we were out of money, we really needed them to come through or else we wouldn't get a chance with another donor. Luckily, they did. With some help from family, we are going to be able to do one more cycle.

So, here we go again. Last month I started the Pill. As soon as I started taking it I could feel hormonal changes. I didn't realize how much that would affect me. Then last week, I started Lupron. Oh boy. I felt that one from day one. Last night I was up with night sweats.....and two hours later I went back to bed and was freezing. I got choked up at a note on a Christmas card yesterday too. Let the Lupron crazy begin. I still have a month to go before the transfer even happens. I just hope it goes fast.

I'm trying hard to pretend that I'm not doing IVF right now at all. I'm a little afraid that hope is going to creep in and that excitement will follow soon after. Especially during the holidays, it's hard not to picture us with a baby next year.....or how it will be if we don't have one. The first time I got pregnant, my due date was 12/23, which I just realized is today. Wow. If things had worked out I'd have a 2 year old. But it's the journey right? We are stronger than we ever thought we could be. Let's just hope it takes us to a happy place in the end....a happy, sleep-deprived, spit up on place.