Now that I'm starting to feel a little like a human being again and not a blog of hormonal mess, I'm trying to remember what my life was like before we started all of this. I'm trying to think of what I like to do to have fun, besides drink wine that is...that's a given. I'm not really sure at this point...fun seems so far away. One thing we have to look forward to is our trip to St. Thomas in about 2 weeks. We both REALLY need to get away and just have some fun and sun. It's hard to plan too far in the future b/c we never know the schedule of fertility treatments, so I'm just trying to think of the little things I like to do.
We're taking a some time off from all the craziness, but not too much. So, unless we mention it, please don't ask us about it. Sometimes I'm ok talking about it, and then you'll know b/c I'll start blabbing about it, and other times I'm just trying to forget for a while. It's the wonder of me...and the wonder of this crazy frickin' time in our lives.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Tellin' it like it is!
I would describe myself as a very realistic person. Most of my life hasn't been easy and I usually get to where I want to be, usually by going the hard way. So when something difficult arises, I don't put blinders and pretend it's not there. I have a mini-meltdown, then I find out everything I can about it and how to beat it.
I think most people going through fertility treatments like we are have had statistics and as well as actual life disappointments put in front of them so they HAVE to face it. The situation is...that yes, there are people who are able to get pregnant naturally at my age. The reality is, they are few and far between..the chances are less than 1% per month...AND if they do get pregnant there is a 1/3 chance of miscarriage. That's not even taking into account the increased risk of chromosome abnormalities. So yes, I did get pregnant once naturally and then, I did had all the other things happen too. By doing IVF, we are giving ourselves the best possible chance to have a child. We are taking the very best embryos and putting more than one back so that we can up the odds from 1% to 30%. We don't have 30 months to try at this and hope for the best....we might not even have 12 months to keep trying.
When you're in the middle of an IVF cycle, it's hard to keep it in perspective. Even the nurses get excited and say "what a good response you're having". I tell them that a good response is a positive test. Still, you think, 20 eggs, 18 fertilized, putting back 4 of the best.. I have have a picture of them right here...IT HAS TO WORK!!!! But...in the end, it's still a 30% chance.....and it's a huge letdown when it doesn't.
I do have hope and I try hard to be positive, but also try hard not to set myself up for a fall....and that's not easy. IVF is one big hormonal rollercoaster. I'm so thankful for my wonderful friends and family around who try to understand what we are up against....who are there to cheer us up and get our minds off it....who are there to listen when things are tough.....who leave me messages that say "I'm thinking of you, call me if you need me". It all means so much that you are there for us! Thanks!!!!
I think most people going through fertility treatments like we are have had statistics and as well as actual life disappointments put in front of them so they HAVE to face it. The situation is...that yes, there are people who are able to get pregnant naturally at my age. The reality is, they are few and far between..the chances are less than 1% per month...AND if they do get pregnant there is a 1/3 chance of miscarriage. That's not even taking into account the increased risk of chromosome abnormalities. So yes, I did get pregnant once naturally and then, I did had all the other things happen too. By doing IVF, we are giving ourselves the best possible chance to have a child. We are taking the very best embryos and putting more than one back so that we can up the odds from 1% to 30%. We don't have 30 months to try at this and hope for the best....we might not even have 12 months to keep trying.
When you're in the middle of an IVF cycle, it's hard to keep it in perspective. Even the nurses get excited and say "what a good response you're having". I tell them that a good response is a positive test. Still, you think, 20 eggs, 18 fertilized, putting back 4 of the best.. I have have a picture of them right here...IT HAS TO WORK!!!! But...in the end, it's still a 30% chance.....and it's a huge letdown when it doesn't.
I do have hope and I try hard to be positive, but also try hard not to set myself up for a fall....and that's not easy. IVF is one big hormonal rollercoaster. I'm so thankful for my wonderful friends and family around who try to understand what we are up against....who are there to cheer us up and get our minds off it....who are there to listen when things are tough.....who leave me messages that say "I'm thinking of you, call me if you need me". It all means so much that you are there for us! Thanks!!!!
Monday, April 13, 2009
The hardest week ever!
Not only was the test negative, but the hormonal drop and pain from AF doesn't help the situation. I spent a lot of last week crying over crazy stuff that I don't usually let get to me.
On Friday, we had our "Cycle Review" appt with the doctor. OK, it didn't start off well. He called me in the car and tried to have a phone appt. I told him that my husband needed to be involved, then he pushed us to move our appt up to noon. I rearranged everything. We got there and he made us wait 40 minutes in a 75 degree waiting room. Not a good start...so now I have anger mixed in with my already emotional state.
So, in our appt. he basically tells us all the indicators are good. I still have a good FSH, my egg development and response is good, the embryos are good grades and look good going in......good....good...good...but there's nothing they can tell after the embryos are transferred back. baaaaad He says the major factor is my age. He thinks I have an excellent chance of being successful, he just can't say when.
So we just keep rolling the dice for $10k a turn? and that's all he can give us?
Ugggh, between the anger from the waiting room and all of this I was pretty much speechless. I can tell you this is a rare event.
They did give us a new option which would be more invasive than a regular ivf cycle...or we could use some of our frozen embryos for a frozen cycle.
Now we need to decide what to do. In the meantime, I'm going to St. Thomas. I need a break from all of this.
On Friday, we had our "Cycle Review" appt with the doctor. OK, it didn't start off well. He called me in the car and tried to have a phone appt. I told him that my husband needed to be involved, then he pushed us to move our appt up to noon. I rearranged everything. We got there and he made us wait 40 minutes in a 75 degree waiting room. Not a good start...so now I have anger mixed in with my already emotional state.
So, in our appt. he basically tells us all the indicators are good. I still have a good FSH, my egg development and response is good, the embryos are good grades and look good going in......good....good...good...but there's nothing they can tell after the embryos are transferred back. baaaaad He says the major factor is my age. He thinks I have an excellent chance of being successful, he just can't say when.
So we just keep rolling the dice for $10k a turn? and that's all he can give us?
Ugggh, between the anger from the waiting room and all of this I was pretty much speechless. I can tell you this is a rare event.
They did give us a new option which would be more invasive than a regular ivf cycle...or we could use some of our frozen embryos for a frozen cycle.
Now we need to decide what to do. In the meantime, I'm going to St. Thomas. I need a break from all of this.
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