Thursday, August 6, 2009

No diversions

Once again that whole "just don't think about it" phrase makes me crack the fuck up! Yeah I said it! My mom entered a local cooking contest that had to do with the movie release of Julie&Julia. Each contestant had to recreate one of Julia Child's recipes and today there was a big cookoff for prizes. My mom wasn't a finalist, but we went to the cookoff and we got to see the movie too.

So you would think it's just a cooking movie right? What could it possibly have to remind me of our fertility issues? Well, apparently Julia Child didn't meet her husband until she was almost 40, so she could never have children. She learned to cook because she loved to eat and didn't have anything better to do. Of course, it turned out wonderfully for her, but in the movie she'd walk by a baby stroller and look sad....or find out her sister was pregnant and break down crying. It was a good movie, but once again an impossible diversion.

I wonder if that will be me. Will I be someone who moves on from wanting a family and focuses on other things in my life? Would I really be happy or would I be secretly yearning? I'm so invested emotionally and financially in this scenario right now that the thought of it not coming to fruition scares me. I don't always want to be someone secretly sad because I couldn't start a family. If it happens to turn out that way, I hope I am lucky enough to find a passion like Julia did for cooking.

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