Blobs of Confusion

THE UPDATE:
Our embryos are doing well. We have 6 front runners. They don't have any cell counts today as they are either compacting or have compacted into teeny tiny blobs called morulas.

THE ROLLERCOASTER:
When I was getting married, I couldn't get enough of bridal shows. The same is true for my pregnancy journey. I watch baby shows all the time. I used to watch the really graphic ones, just so I knew what the terminology meant and everything that could happen. I know that would normally scare most people. My philosophy is that I'd rather know in an emergency what the next steps were. I'd become so desensitized to watching births that I'd forget to turn the show off when we started eating dinner. oops.

Today, I had some show about multiples on in the background while I was editing photos. Usually I just half pay attention but this one was really touching. This couple was in the operating room about to have quadruplets by C-section. Tons of hospital staff are in the room to assist with the delivery. The mom-to-be is obviously nervous. Her husband keeps telling her it's ok and how they are both going to raise these babies together. You can see in her eyes that she's scared. Then, she hears the first baby cry. The husband starts to describe how she totally changed in that moment. How she suddenly went from just her to being a mom....in the blink of an eye. She no longer cared how she was feeling and could only focus on her babies. As I watched it, I could see the change in her face. It was pretty amazing.

I've been a bit teary today on and off. It's hard to describe the emotions I'm feeling. I'm excited, giddy, scared, worried, and happy all at one time. I guess you'd call that a bit overwhelmed. I feel that we could be on the brink of something that could change our life forever. I can't tell you how much I hope that this is THE ONE (or two). I'm not sure we'll continue trying to have a baby if it's not. Yet, I still have a hard time seeing my life without raising a family. We've been through so much, I try not to think about the last 3 years. It's amazing to believe that I even have hope at this point.

Honestly, I'm unbelievably excited about the possibility of success right now. And, after all we've been through, that's equally as scary. All I can do is hold on for the ride. And today, I feel tremendous...scared and tremendous!

Tomorrow is the big day!