I thought I'd seen and been through it all!

Before I get started, I'd like to thank all my family and friends who have written me or told me that they've been keeping up with my blog. Thanks so much for all of your support and for being there for me all along this journey. Please don't ask me in person if I'm pregnant. If it happens, we'll need to get passed some hurdles to feel like it's the real deal.

For all of you who don't know me and are following my journey because you are in a similar situation, I hope in some way it's of some comfort to you.

So......when you're on your eighth IVF, you sometimes think you've seen it all. Yeah, yeah, I take my meds....yeah, yeah I take my shots.....poking, prodding, prodding, poking. I find it amazing that I had never been to a male OB/GYN before this whole process (cough cough debacle/nightmare) and now I not only have male doctors, but a whole cast of people in the room with me. That doesn't even count the other "lab" people on the other side of the "takeout window".

IVF has also changed my perspective. There are moments when I feel it's all really out of control, which it is. And there are moments when I feel I've learned how to be OK with that. I think about myself three years ago. The person that got pregnant the very first month we tried. She was giddy and although she wasn't naive to the fact there were some risks because of age, thought she would overcome all of that. With all she had been through to find the right person and be in the place she was, there was no way the universe wouldn't do right by her. Turns out it was genetics and age not the universe who had a say. That person seems so far away from the person that I am now. When our last IVF failed miserably before the transfer even happened, I thought there was no way to recapture the excitement, the hope, or the joy usually associated with the pregnancy process.

Well, I'm hear to tell you that it can happen. Yes, it's true that I don't have any clue if I'm pregnant or not at this point. It's also true that I will once again be devastated if this cycle turns out negative. It's even possible that this could be the last chance for us for good. At the same time, I'm extremely excited, extremely hopeful and even happy.

I learned that a horrible situation can be easily put into the past when there's a good memory to put in it's place. I'm hoping that if this IVF cycle turns into a pregnancy, that all of this IVF journey will become a distant memory. How wonderful that would be at this point.

SO HERE'S THE UPDATE.....

To borrow from Ferris Bueller a bit. "This ones for Linda, who didn't think she'd see anything good again."

As you know, we've had an amazing response with these 10 embryos. The response was so great, that out of the 10, we had 2 blastocysts to transfer and 3 to freeze. This is such a total 180 from the last cycle we had. I mean, it's the BEST cycle we've ever had....it's unbelievable!!!!

The day of the transfer, we know the drill. I drink water....we should up at our transfer time. I get ready in the room (the takeout window room). The doctor hands us our cool embryo photo. It usually has a brownish tint to it. I think it makes it easier to see the embryos. BUT THIS TIME it's tinted PURPLE. OK, did I mention that I'm wearing a purple flannel shirt and my Dr. Seussish purple/aqua socks and that I LOVE purple? Um yeah. It's totally a sign right?

We're at my favorite part of the procedure. There's a monitor to my right. Suddenly it turns on and there's a close-up shot of our petri dish. We know it's "OUR" dish because it says our last name on the side. (Good to know those are your babies you're putting back!) Then, they zoom in on the 2 blasts. She only leaves it on for just a second. I gasped and pointed at the screen...then it was gone. OK! NOW THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING! I've never seen that before, but I knew exactly what it was. One of the blasts looked like a normal blast. The other, was smaller with a little halo effect around it and you can see that part of it was coming out one side. THIS BLAST WAS STARTING TO HATCH!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! If you think it's a good sign getting to blastocyst stage, seeing that just sent me over the moon! Hatching is the step right before the embryo implants.

It's amazing how the results of this cycle helped me put the tears of the last one aside. It's been a painful process and I know it may not turn out the way we want in the end. The one thing it has taught me is that there's always another day, another side to it all and another amazing thing that will surprise you.

Cross your fingers....say a prayer.....send us all your good juju!