A pile of mush - TMI

I knew this week would be tough. The 2nd week of the Two Week Wait is always the hardest. Also, I had 2 days of training going on at work on Monday and Tuesday. This is a bit TMI but I think most of me is out there already so....

On Sunday night before I had went to bed I noticed a tiny bit of spotting. I was a little excited since light spotting can be a sign of implantation. Then on Monday, I had all day training, and saw a few more spots during the day. Then right before I went to leave for the day it increased. A little spotting ok......increasing spotting and cramping...not good. I kind of freaked out. Holding it together Linda has left the building. It was still going on in the morning so I called the drs office. I did not hear back from the nurses until the afternoon. Basically, they said don't give up hope.....and that it is possible to still get a positive and that the symptoms I'm having aren't abnormal. Seriously? Well....I guess that's good news, but not really good for my sanity. So, after the entire work day of feeling crampy, at around 4pm I started to feel differently.....like I'm getting a cold. Also, I started to feel really nauseous. I ate lunch and drank water so I don't know what it's all about. I'm convinced there's something out there and it's totally fucking with my head. If I ever do get to be a mom, I'm not going to be able to hold my baby because I'll be in a straight-jacket!

Anyway, I'm don't know what to think at this point....but I'm trying to hold off on my breakdown for a few more days.

The Rollercoaster Ride Sucks!

It's been the longest two weeks of my life. I started off very optimistic since we had such a good response with the follicles, then with the fertilization. Everyone at the RE's office was excited too. But....today is the day before my beta (blood test to detect the HCG pregnancy hormone) and as of this morning the home pregnancy test was still negative. Suckage! It was the most potent pee in the entire world so if it was there, it would have seen it. (TMI...that's how I roll)

Last night I felt a little crampy on and off...like period-type crampy...and had a killer headache like I get right before as well. I don't feel any pregnancy symptoms at all. I'm not totally giving up yet, but I'm bummed. Although my head knows it was a 30% chance, we had some rockin' embryos that were put back in. I even had the freakin' harp. How could it not work?

Anyway, I'm just blogging to say that I won't be blogging about whether it's positive or negative tomorrow. If it's negative, we'll be doing another round asap....and you know how that all works now (or doesn't). pffft. If it's positive, we have several hurdles to overcome before we can tell anyone. There's a 35% chance of miscarriage for someone my age, so it's not fair to get everyone excited too early. Trust me, it's a huge letdown when it doesn't stick. We'll also have to reach a few milestones like hearing the heartbeat (which we never got to do last time) and getting testing done. So, if we are pregnant, we'll let you know in April sometime.

Thanks for following the blog and for supporting me through this and for caring.

It has been such a great help!

Love,

Me