It's a slow burn.

We received our fertilization update for the day. One embryo peetered out and never divided. So we have 15 left. We have one 4 cell, 3-3 cells and the rest are 2 cells. It seems that our embryos are on the slow burn. Optimally, we'd like as many as possible to be 4 cells at this stage since that would mean they would be very likely to be 8 cells by tomorrow. So, although I had a response in quantity that is not typical for a 40 year old chica, the quality issue is still there. Of course, people get pregnant every day from embryos that are not 8 cells on day 3, it's just one indicator of quality. Still, I wish I had the comfort of more potential 8 cells. It's not bad news for sure, but not great.

In other news, last night Dan gave me my first PIO shot. That is one frakking big needle I tell you what. We were hanging out at B&G's house last night and didn't realize how late it was. It was 11pm by the time we got home. So, we had to put on the lidocaine and leave it there for at least a 1/2 hour while I also warmed the PIO vial in my bra. (great tips I learned from someone in my support group) Then I laid on the bed and when Dan was ready I started coughing. This keeps you from flexing your muscles. (tip #3) It all went pretty well. I only felt the needle slightly on the way in. Luckily, I'm not even sore today. That could change the more I have to do of course...but so far so good.

The lil' swimmers did their work!

And the magic number is 16! So out of 20 eggs retrieved, 16 have fertilized! Yippee!!! That's an even better report than last time. Of course, it's not the quantity but the quality. We'll have to wait a few more days and see how they do.

The pain is a little less today. I was able to sleep through the night without pain meds....I just had to lay on my one side. I'm going to try just taking regular tylenol today and see how it goes. Eddy has been planted on the couch at the end of my blanket the whole time now. She starts snoring very loudly here and there. She so concerned.

I do have one worry looming for the day and it's the Progesterone in Oil shot. I decided to go with the PIO shot this time since the Endometrin suppositories were just 1) gross and 2) had even more grosser (oh yes, more grosser IS correct in this instance) side effects. So, that means a 1 1/2" needle in my butt each day. Since the follicles are removed by the egg retrieval procedure they don't produce progesterone like a normal cycle. Progesterone keeps your period from coming and maintains the pregnancy. If I do get pregnant, I'll have to continue the shots for 10 weeks until the placenta kicks in. D is very excited to finally get to stab me (this is the closest he can get to actual stabbing). I'm picturing him yelling out something like "THE DAY IS MINE" right before stabbing me. (helps!)

One of the girls in my support group sent me a full page of instructions on how she takes the shots. Her more important trick - lidocaining your butt so you don't feel it. You know I'm all about the lidocaine!!!

The Big Suck!

Did I forget how much it hurt last time or is this time a little worse? I had a little trouble with the IV this time, so they had to do it twice. This time the RE's office called in some tylenol with codeine for me b/c I had lots of pain in my right side. Maybe that's because they retrieved TWENTY!!!!! eggs this time. That's right, count 'em TWENTY! Now they just have to grow into good little girls and boys. We'll find out how many fertilized tomorrow.

Hopefully the discomfort won't last too long. That was the hardest part so I'm glad to be passed it.

Yeah yeah, I'm having a good response!

Blah Blah Blah! It's true...I really am having a great response this time. I can't even tell you how many follicles I have in each ovary. They are jam-packed. Another good thing is that there are a lot all around the same size. This means they will all mature at once which is a very good thing. Still, I know the nurses and doctors are just trying to be optimistic by saying "You're having a great response" all the time, but I'm more like "save for the positive pregnancy test people....now THAT'S a good response". I'm so jaded. :P

I feel like I ate a balloon today. Pants that were loose last week are no longer. I have this giantness in my abdomen. This morning was my last day of stims. Tonight I take the HCG Trigger shot at exactly 10:15pm to help me ovulate (in 36 hours) and Friday is my egg retrieval (at 35 hours). My boobs hurt, I guess that's from the low-dose hcg I've been taking. HCG is the hormone that indicates your are pregnant....it also helps with egg quality so I take a small dose each day.

Well, I guess that it's for now, there's not much else to report. Now we just wait for the egg sucking day!

Wow!

I'm going to have to read through the posts from my last cycle to see if I was this wiped out. Ever since I started the Gonal-F and HCG on top of the Lupron, I've been exhausted. I had to get up early for my bloodwork and ultrasound, so I was not feeling well at work at all. So.....emergency measures needed to be taken! Luckily, I work near Valley Forge Park and today is a nice sunny day. So, I drove to the park, put on my relaxation music and took a car nap. I was out for about 45 minutes. I feel SO MUCH BETTER now. It's funny in the summer when I go to the park, there's one spot where 4 or 5 cars are just lined up and everyone is napping. It's the best.

My ultrasound was good. I had been worried about the Lupron over-supressing my ovaries, but so far so good. I have 6 or 7 follicles growing on each side. There were some small slackers beyond that, but they will probably peter out.

Updatedness

Ok, so I said I wouldn't update....but most of my friends know by now that the first IVF didn't work. We met with our RE and they said there was no indication of any problem. Everything was fine. It's a 1 in 3 chance and this time, we weren't the one. Bummer! It's a little harder to takesince it WAS the month for 3 other couples in our support group. sigh One couple just got pregnant on their own before treatment started...bastards! But....hopefully April will be our turn.

I figured, I could let myself be sad about this or I could just go on. I'm trying hard to view this as a roll of the dice....but one with a lot of injections and procedures involved. I'm pulling up my big girl pants and doing what I need to do, ya know? Wow, it sucks being an adult sometimes.

So.....right after we heard the news, even before our follow-up appt, I called the dr to see if we can go on to round 2 right away. I went on BCPs immediately, then did 2 weeks of BCPs plus a Lupron shot to suppress my ovaries. Yesterday, I just started Gonal-F to get those eggies growing again. (I'm in the 3 shots a day phase now...fun fun fun) We're hoping that this change to a Lupron protocol will help with the egg quality (although we'll probably get less eggs this time).

Lupron is a scary drug. It's rumored to have lots of side effects...as our nurse said....ones that end in "...I.T.C.H." hee Today was the first day I'm really feeling bad.....hopefully it won't last...for D's sake....and my coworkers.

So, here we are, going to round 2. We're paying totally out of pocket this time. It makes it a little more painful.....but hopefully it will be worth it.

The Rollercoaster Ride Sucks!

It's been the longest two weeks of my life. I started off very optimistic since we had such a good response with the follicles, then with the fertilization. Everyone at the RE's office was excited too. But....today is the day before my beta (blood test to detect the HCG pregnancy hormone) and as of this morning the home pregnancy test was still negative. Suckage! It was the most potent pee in the entire world so if it was there, it would have seen it. (TMI...that's how I roll)

Last night I felt a little crampy on and off...like period-type crampy...and had a killer headache like I get right before as well. I don't feel any pregnancy symptoms at all. I'm not totally giving up yet, but I'm bummed. Although my head knows it was a 30% chance, we had some rockin' embryos that were put back in. I even had the freakin' harp. How could it not work?

Anyway, I'm just blogging to say that I won't be blogging about whether it's positive or negative tomorrow. If it's negative, we'll be doing another round asap....and you know how that all works now (or doesn't). pffft. If it's positive, we have several hurdles to overcome before we can tell anyone. There's a 35% chance of miscarriage for someone my age, so it's not fair to get everyone excited too early. Trust me, it's a huge letdown when it doesn't stick. We'll also have to reach a few milestones like hearing the heartbeat (which we never got to do last time) and getting testing done. So, if we are pregnant, we'll let you know in April sometime.

Thanks for following the blog and for supporting me through this and for caring.

It has been such a great help!

Love,

Me