Estradiol starts....

While I wanted some change, I was hoping for less needles than more. In truth, I knew the next step was more, many more, larger needles in addition to the Lupron. When we had our checkup & ultrasound on Monday, the nurse told us that Estrogen is the "feel good" hormone. It makes women feel wonderful apparently. I only have to do the estrogen shots twice a week, Monday and Thursday. So far, I'm not feeling much better. I still feel the Lupron effects and I wouldn't really describe myself as feeling great right now. I did sleep a little better last night, but I'm not sure if that was just pure exhaustion or the estrogen. I'm still holding out hope for some good vibrations to come my way.

One thing I haven't missed since the last cycle are these intramuscular shots. Even with the lidocaine (EMLA cream), I can still feel them. This stuff is even thicker than the progesterone in oil so it takes a while to go in. I can barely get it into the syringe after warming it for a 1/2 hour. And, I'm trying not to think about the fact that I will start the PIO shots DAILY as of 7/18. Uh oh...too late!

The most difficult part of a cycle is the uncertainty. If I knew I would definitely get pregnant, I doubt any of this would matter. But, the fact that all of this could be completely pointless is the most challenging aspect of all.

Today I had a great day out with a friend. On one of our stops I indulged and bought an adorable) maternity top. I also looked at "faux" wedding rings (in case I get pregnant and can't fit into my ring). This could either be viewed as "a positive outlook" or make me feel like a total sucker if this cycle is a bust. It's a tough balance of fertility sanity. In general, I tend to err on the dark side, but when it comes to getting pregnant, the optimism sometimes wins out.

Don't tell, but I have a credenza in my living room that has three compartments and one of those is totally filled with baby items. I have a portion of my stand-up wardrobe that is all maternity clothes. And, at the beginning of every cycle I calculate my possible due date of my possible baby. So, although the realistic side tries hard to protect me, the "I would be over the moon" excited side sometimes wins out. Yeah, that's right, I'm a sucker, now you know.