Well, things are much better hormonally this week. I started estradiol pills along with the lupron, so the happy pills are countering the effects of the bad pills. With Lupron and Estradial, I feel physically relaxed, but I'm freaking out on the inside. The good news is that it's all almost over.
The donor started her stim meds on the 5th. So, what will happen is that she'll take these for about 7 days. In a normal cycle, one of her follicles would developing into an egg. In an IVF cycle, ALL of her follicles will develop into eggs. I can't tell you how glad I am that I'm not doing this part. Because there are so many eggs in your ovaries, it makes your ovaries feel like giant tennis balls. The last time I did it, the hormones whacked me out so much that I slept for the last 2 days. I feel bad for the donor a bit because she's never done a cycle before. I do know from her file that she has 2 kids, so I hope it's not too rough for her.
As soon as her eggs are all ready to go, I get to stop the Lupron. YAY!!!! Of course, then I get to start butt shots with 1 1/2" needles, but let's not get ahead of ourselves!
Right now, I don't know how to feel about the whole cycle. Taking the shots and meds is pretty much second nature to me at this point. The side effects are a huge drag. But then, this is when hope and excitement start to creep in. Once the donor has the egg retrieval and we find out each day how the embryos are doing, it's going to be really hard not to get excited. I'm unbelievably scared that we'll have similar results to last time. Embryos that looked ok but really weren't. There's zero explanation as to what happened so I don't know if it will happen again. AND, this is it...this is our last chance.
All I can do is admit that I have no control over any of it and try my best not to obsess. Basically, this blog post is one of the few indulgences I give myself about the IVF. Although, D and I did have a discussion the other night about baby names. Apparently he thinks King would be a great name. "King Morrow" he said in a slightly British accent and then gave an evil laugh. THAT is why we get along so well!
Showing posts with label estradiol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label estradiol. Show all posts
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Sane Times
This cycle really doesn't have a whole lot going on. It's a lot of the same....BCP's for weeks, Lupron for weeks, add Estradiol for weeks, then PIO for weeks. It's the side effects that have made it(me) feel out of this world. So, when I was at the grocery store the other day, I picked up some sunflowers for my husband. I figured I should use my sane time to be extra nice so he can remember them through the craziness. Of course, it's not like it's my fault...as the IVF nurses are always saying. At the same time, a couple of months is a long, long time to live on the edge of reason....or to live WITH someone on the edge of reason.
One major IVF factor that's been on my mind is my weight. I have gained about 13 lbs since the miscarriage in May 2008....and that's on top of the post-honeymoon weight gain. I have these small windows of 2 weeks at a time where I can try to lose weight...and it never seems to be enough to make a real difference. Maybe it's the Lupron or the estrogen, but I get ravenously hungry sometimes and can never seem to make a dent. I know that even a small weight loss could make a big difference, so why can't I do it? It's so frustrating.
One major IVF factor that's been on my mind is my weight. I have gained about 13 lbs since the miscarriage in May 2008....and that's on top of the post-honeymoon weight gain. I have these small windows of 2 weeks at a time where I can try to lose weight...and it never seems to be enough to make a real difference. Maybe it's the Lupron or the estrogen, but I get ravenously hungry sometimes and can never seem to make a dent. I know that even a small weight loss could make a big difference, so why can't I do it? It's so frustrating.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Estradiol starts....
While I wanted some change, I was hoping for less needles than more. In truth, I knew the next step was more, many more, larger needles in addition to the Lupron. When we had our checkup & ultrasound on Monday, the nurse told us that Estrogen is the "feel good" hormone. It makes women feel wonderful apparently. I only have to do the estrogen shots twice a week, Monday and Thursday. So far, I'm not feeling much better. I still feel the Lupron effects and I wouldn't really describe myself as feeling great right now. I did sleep a little better last night, but I'm not sure if that was just pure exhaustion or the estrogen. I'm still holding out hope for some good vibrations to come my way.
One thing I haven't missed since the last cycle are these intramuscular shots. Even with the lidocaine (EMLA cream), I can still feel them. This stuff is even thicker than the progesterone in oil so it takes a while to go in. I can barely get it into the syringe after warming it for a 1/2 hour. And, I'm trying not to think about the fact that I will start the PIO shots DAILY as of 7/18. Uh oh...too late!
The most difficult part of a cycle is the uncertainty. If I knew I would definitely get pregnant, I doubt any of this would matter. But, the fact that all of this could be completely pointless is the most challenging aspect of all.
Today I had a great day out with a friend. On one of our stops I indulged and bought an adorable) maternity top. I also looked at "faux" wedding rings (in case I get pregnant and can't fit into my ring). This could either be viewed as "a positive outlook" or make me feel like a total sucker if this cycle is a bust. It's a tough balance of fertility sanity. In general, I tend to err on the dark side, but when it comes to getting pregnant, the optimism sometimes wins out.
Don't tell, but I have a credenza in my living room that has three compartments and one of those is totally filled with baby items. I have a portion of my stand-up wardrobe that is all maternity clothes. And, at the beginning of every cycle I calculate my possible due date of my possible baby. So, although the realistic side tries hard to protect me, the "I would be over the moon" excited side sometimes wins out. Yeah, that's right, I'm a sucker, now you know.
One thing I haven't missed since the last cycle are these intramuscular shots. Even with the lidocaine (EMLA cream), I can still feel them. This stuff is even thicker than the progesterone in oil so it takes a while to go in. I can barely get it into the syringe after warming it for a 1/2 hour. And, I'm trying not to think about the fact that I will start the PIO shots DAILY as of 7/18. Uh oh...too late!
The most difficult part of a cycle is the uncertainty. If I knew I would definitely get pregnant, I doubt any of this would matter. But, the fact that all of this could be completely pointless is the most challenging aspect of all.
Today I had a great day out with a friend. On one of our stops I indulged and bought an adorable) maternity top. I also looked at "faux" wedding rings (in case I get pregnant and can't fit into my ring). This could either be viewed as "a positive outlook" or make me feel like a total sucker if this cycle is a bust. It's a tough balance of fertility sanity. In general, I tend to err on the dark side, but when it comes to getting pregnant, the optimism sometimes wins out.
Don't tell, but I have a credenza in my living room that has three compartments and one of those is totally filled with baby items. I have a portion of my stand-up wardrobe that is all maternity clothes. And, at the beginning of every cycle I calculate my possible due date of my possible baby. So, although the realistic side tries hard to protect me, the "I would be over the moon" excited side sometimes wins out. Yeah, that's right, I'm a sucker, now you know.
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