Morphing!

So, the twinges come and go and now today I'm totally fatigued and nauseous. Yeah, yeah, I know the whole "progesterone causes pregnancy symptoms" story, but exactly how does it morph from one pregnancy symptom to the next. I'm going with the "evil fairy from Scrooged" theory at this point.

I've had a few panicked moments in the past few days thinking of what we are going to do if this time doesn't work. Probably, we'll use the last of our remaining embryos in FET cycles but I'm not sure what else we'll be able to afford beyond that. I'm not feeling very confident that doing another fresh cycle would make any difference in outcome. My RE's office can't give a reason it is or is not going to work. They just keep saying, "you have great potential to succeed. We wouldn't recommend anything else for you at this time". It's like they shake the Magic 8 ball right before you go in for your consultation. With being out of work now and a dwindling savings account, there are only so many chances we can take.

To sum it up, if something good doesn't happen soon....we are screwwwwwwwwwed!

Freakin' Out!

This is definitely the "freakin' out" phase! I'm now at what would be considered Day 11. That's 11 days past ovulation even though the embryos were thawed and put back in on Day 3. If it's happened, it's happened. The embryo(s) would have hatched by now and implanted. They have started releasing HCG, which is what pregnancy tests detect, but the levels are still probably too low to be read on a home pregnancy test.

For some reason, my RE's (reproductive endocrinologist) office has schedule my BETA (blood pregnancy test) for 17 days past ovulation. I'm starting to think they are trying to drive me over the edge. Paranoid? Me???? Highly possible!

This is also the "IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT" phase! I have daily injections with a giant needle, I can't drink alcohol, can't take baths (and I LOVE baths), not to mention the intermittent soreness and twinges in my lower abdomen.

I was joking around with D last night about the madness of it all and let out a Young Frankenstein-type yell. An "I'm going MAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!" type of yell. It was a lot louder and longer than I originally intended....it took on a life of it's own.

Let's just hope other things are taking on a life of their own as we speak. I'm not naming any names.....but you know who you are!

OK OK!

Yes progesterone, I acknowledge your power to f' with my head in these two weeks. Soreness on the right, then soreness on the left...yeah yeah I get it! Why you gotta be like that? You're like the patron unsaint of infertile women. You're like the mean fairy in Scrooged. And I just need to say...nobody likes you. booooo

Oh, apparently even though I ate the house....I lost 4 lbs. Crazy! I'm thinking that Lupron was also doing it's evil work on me. I'm so glad to be off the stuff!!!!!

Uh oh! I ate the house!

I'm in here writing this while my wonderful husband is outside weedwacking. I should feel guilty for not helping right? I'm working on that part. I did do some dusting and straightening so I'm not a total 2WW slacker.

I don't know if it's just nerves or the residual side effects of the prednisone I had to take for 5 days, but I can't stop eating. It's like I'm jonesing for food but I know I'm not hungry. I was trying so hard to control my weight before the transfer, now I feel like I'm going to gain 10 lbs just in these 2 weeks. I hope it subsides soon or I will BE the size of the house in addition to EATING everything in the house!

It's official! The crazy two week wait (2WW) symptoms have started. I've had this soreness in my lower right side for a couple of days. When I had my transfer, I was sore on my left side from the procedure itself, so I know it's not that. This is just a random "hey, don't think you can forget about this for one second" kind of pain. I've had some trouble sleeping because of it, but I'm trying not to take any tylenol if I don't have to. OK, two week wait, I know how you are. Bring on the twinges and the pulling and whatever you got....I'm ready!

I cracked!

I couldn't stay still a minute longer!!! On Friday, my niece and I took a road trip to New Hope PA for the day. We had lunch on a garden patio, ate chocolate covered strawberries and looked in the shops. For those who don't know me, I'm a photographer.....and I just heard about this photo contest. So, I enlisted my niece as my model and we came up with some amazing ideas. Then, we went and bought some outfits (what's a photo shoot without outfits right?) and props at the dollar store and proceeded to do our photo shoot. OK, so I probably exerted myself a little more than I should have, but I had a great time! The REALLY cool thing is M, my niece. She said that "it was the most fun she's had all summer". How awesome is she? And, if I'm lucky, maybe I'll find out I'm pregnant AND win $1000 bucks!

I've had some major creative urges this week. I'm setting up a new photography website, entering contests and planning some future photo shoots. Something has just turned on inside me. Maybe I've finally kicked my old job out of my system and it's opened up those creative pathways again. Stress can be a block to so many things....and that job was blocking a lot of happiness in my life for a long time. It took a whole month of doing nothing to shake it!

On another front, I really do need to do some cleaning today.....I can see dust on everything....and we are almost out of clothes. I'm going to be sure not to do too much though. I made D carry the laundry basket to the back room for me since I'm not supposed to lift over 20 lbs. It all seems a bit wacky since there are tons of women who lift toddlers or work for UPS when they don't know they are pregnant, but with all I've been through, I'm not taking any chances.

Lounging is hard!

Putting your feet up is hard work! I've been doing it for about 5 hours now and I'm bored to death. It's especially difficult when you aren't sick and/or tired. It's such a nice day outside too!

The transfer itself went well this morning. It was a little uncomfortable but not too bad. Valium is my friend. They had a shiny new piece of equipment too. It was a flat screen tv that showed a close up pic of our embryos getting sucked into the catheter before they put them in. very cool! Our embryos thawed out well and we only lost 1 to get to our total of 5. This leaves us with 8 embryos still on ice for future use.

So now we wait....and wait...and wait. Cross your fingers and your toes, sacrifice lambs, pray to your gods....whatever may help is appreciated!!!

Yaaaaawn!

Is it wrong to take a nap 3 hours after you wake up in the morning? Either I'm not
sleeping well or these damn fertility drugs are zapping the life right out of me. I ain't got that thing, and I ain't got that zing.

Last night was the last lupron shot. Yay!!! Now we move on to Progesterone-in-oil, featuring such side effects as: fatigue, nausea, dizziness, worsening of asthma symptoms....uh oh....this may not be an improvement. PIO is also "interesting" in that it makes you have the same symptoms as pregnancy. And by "interesting" I mean "torturous" and "evil". Nothing like waiting for the pregnancy test for two weeks while experiencing every normal pregnancy symptom to make a girl go mad.

Yet, it all brings us closer to the possibility of a positive outcome. Someday, I'd love to move on to whining about actual pregnancy symptoms!!!!!